These are all the things I wish I could tell to my Dad who committed suicide in 2013, three women left to fend for themselves I thought. Left to be pawns in a game that he wanted to win so badly. A game of life. I was angry at him for so long that I think I forgot to grieve properly. I was angry that he left my sister who loved him unconditionally.
What happened 10 years later in 2023 for which she decided that she couldn’t take it anymore and left to join him. I will never understand.. But there are so many things I wish I could tell them. Try to reason with them that this life of ours is not so bad.
Who am I kidding.. It’s bad, sometimes.
Sometimes it feels like there is no point to any of this suffering. Sometimes the scars of the past caused by the pain are deeper than any euphoric moment can heal. But we are alive right. Don’t we all struggle to “complete” this life of ours. Some pray to be given a chance to live while some struggle to live. The irony of it all.
These are the things that I wish I could tell them. Some of these things I already knew, some things I learned the hard way, and some that I am still struggling to understand.
This is for those who grieve.. Who seem lost.. Who don’t seem to understand the point of life. To tell you the truth, I don’t get the point of life either.
So many things I have read and heard have either enlightened me or confused me. Some moments in life have drowned me and some saved me. I don’t know if my dad or sister can read any of these from where they are. I don’t truly know where they are. Believe me I searched. I searched for answers and will forever be looking for signs of their existence.
But I hope these words will reach the ones that need to know some of the things I want to say to them before they decide to leave this world forever.
I hope it reaches those who are in pain like me for the people that left them or are in pain because life is hard sometimes.
——————————————————————————————————–
All Posts
