“Honesty is the best policy”, they said.
We were told this from time immemorial. I think I somehow took it very seriously when I was younger. I think all of us are born honest and as we grow we learn to “filter”/ “dilute”/ “redact” some of the things that need to be said. We might do this to fit in and sometimes to not draw too much attention to ourselves. Sometimes we don’t want to hurt the people we love, or show what we feel and therefore become a lie, a fragment of ourselves.
As I think back now, I think I was that irritatingly honest kid. You know the kind that just says what’s on their mind without caring about what people will think or feel. We were once invited by a wealthy friend of my Dad’s to celebrate Diwali at their house along with a few other families. There were around 6 kids, 10 adults and a shit ton of fireworks. When I say a shit ton, it was an entire room full of it. An obscene amount of it. The host proudly displayed his collection and told us excitedly to burst as many as we possibly could. After a couple hours of screaming, laughter and my constant rolling of judgemental eyes, the host excitedly came over and asked me if I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I looked him straight in the eye and said “That was a ridiculous waste of money. Who is going to clean up all these heaps of firework garbage? The stray dogs and other animals got so scared. Did you happen to see them? You could have spent some of this money to feed so many people.” and I walked away. My dad told me that next year he drastically reduced the amount of fireworks his family burst and donated some of the money to charity.
I think back to that girl sometimes. I constantly try to be as honest as I possibly can. I think that can scare or hurt people, so sometimes I started to keep things to myself. But I dream more and more everyday that I can be as honest as that girl one day. Self doubt constantly riddled her as she grew up and had to make a name for herself in this world before she can speak again. I see that as I shed away my self doubt and fear, I hope to be more honest again. For this world needs more honesty. Honesty delivered with a sincere heart and right words.
We also must learn to be honest with ourselves the most. Take a look at ourselves and understand what makes us angry, sad, vulnerable, happy. What do we honestly want in life? What do we honestly want for ourselves? Are we doing enough to reach our goals? Or are we constantly looking for excuses and people to blame for our failures? For our losses and our fears? Are we honestly appreciating ourselves for how far we have come along?
Honestly thinking about what it means to be a human? To be alive..
