Why did I start this blog? What am I trying to achieve by telling random people on the internet or those of you who know me about my life, my mistakes, things I have learned? Why don’t I just post happy photos on Instagram when I am happy, or share some deep-meaning quote from some philosopher or celebrity on whatsapp when I am sad or angry. Or write about it in my diary like I always have. Or create a collage of all the good times I had with the people I love or miss and share it on whatsapp on their death or birth anniversary. Or when life gets tough or people frustrate me, rant about it to a friend or family.
But no. Here I go laying my life and thoughts bare for you to see. For you to judge or take “inspiration” from and to be honest, I don’t mind at all on what you choose to do. I am not writing this for criticism nor for praise. Not for glory or legacy. Not as a life guru or a complainer. I am writing this to be seen. For I have learned that there are many versions of me in everyone’s mind. A version that they created from the experiences that they shared with me. A daughter, a sister, a friend, a relative, a stranger at a temple, or a crush at a party. These thousands of versions of me live in the mind of many. This here in this blog is where the version of me resides. The honest version of me as I see myself in my head. An honest version of how I see the world and people around me at different aspects of my life. My thoughts, my sense of self, my hopes and dreams, my fears and my weaknesses are preserved in the words of this website. I think a lot of us might have at some point felt the things that I felt. Said the things that I have said. Thought the things that I have thought. Maybe you can find a version of you here because I definetly saw a version of myself in all those I met.
This is not a self help blog. I probably might not arrange my thoughts and actions in a clear manner like a “10 step process to lead a better life” or “10 things I have learnt in life that everyone should know”. Ah.. I have read many of those blogs and books. They helped, I must say to an extent. They fed me things that got me this far. A quick google search and you can read those at your perusal. For we are lucky to be born in the age where we have the collective wisdom of humans born thousands of years before us and also of those millions alive now.
There might be grammatical errors, missing references, spelling mistakes, broken sentences, misguided viewpoints of this world.
I am NOT a licensed therapist/psychologist. I am NOT a mental health expert or a Monk or a Guru. I do NOT claim to understand the human mind. But I have understood myself more and more and this is what this blog is.
I also learnt that there is no one in this world who will truly understand me more than me. You can spend a 1000 hours talking to a therapist, your friend, your husband, mother or father, your sister or brother and never feel like they completely understand you. Maybe they understand some parts of you. But not all. Because they will be clouded with their own personality and problems, their training and we can’t blame them. Tring to go about in this world making people understand us is a pointless task that will only make us more suicidal. I cannot teach you this wisdom. It is not something that can be taught. It is only something that can be learnt.
We all would at some point of time come to ask deep questions. Questions that will challenge our existence or our sense of self or how this world is. During this time, I feel we must be careful. For sometimes, these questions could make us an activist or make us suicidal. In today’s world of abundant information from both sides, we must choose our path. If I could, I would shield those I love from the pains of the world. But I have learnt again and again that I cannot. I cannot control what they see, what goes on in their mind, who they hang out with or even how they are wired. I have learnt that I cannot control a lot of things. But I can control what is in my head (atlteast I try to) and what goes in this blog.
Read it at your discretion. But I ask you one thing. Do not binge read it. I have learnt that “bingeing” anything is not good. Be it good or bad. Pace yourself. Pace what goes into that head of yours. Pace your thoughts and in turn pace your life.
